Published by Linda on 27 Mar 2008 at 12:53 pm
My Bizarre Love Of Supernanny
I don’t have kids. I don’t have any particular reason to care about parenting advice, I don’t like Mary Poppins that much, and watching little kids throw tantrums, when I see it in person, is not on my list of experiences that entertain me most.
But I love watching Supernanny. If you’re not familiar with the show, you can roughly classify it in your head as an instructional reality show, where normal people who are terrible at something get advice on how to be less terrible at it. How Not To Parent, sort of. It used to be that there were a couple of shows like this — specifically, this competed with the very inferior Nanny 911, which had this insane construct where there were these British nannies in uniform who lived in some sort of compound where their Reverend Mother Of Nannying would choose one of them to send off to a needy family, like she was going to rescue the Von Trapps. Except those nannies were mean and sour and chilly, and nobody ever liked them. I mean, you had to pretend to like them, because they were so mean, and it seemed like they’d whomp you with an umbrella if you didn’t. But they weren’t likable.
Jo Frost, however, who’s the one and only Supernanny, is immensely likable. She’s just as British, but her approach is very different. Rather than a starched uniform, Jo just wears regular-person clothes, though she does always show up on the first day with her hair in a tight, authoritarian bun. The show always opens with her in the back seat of her Brit cab, watching a DVD of the family she’s going to see. The parents are always begging for help, showing footage of their children biting, screaming, swearing, hitting each other, hitting their parents, breaking expensive stuff…and then Jo looks at the camera and says something like, “They really do need my help!” And then there’s some more DVD footage, and then some kid yells “That’s bullshit!” at his mom or something like that, and Jo looks right at the camera with her best Jim Halpert face, and then she says, “I’m on my way,” and she’s on her way.
Jo always starts by observing the parents and the way they handle their kids, which usually means that some kid throws a fit, and the mom says “You quit that!” about forty times. Sometimes, the parents have clearly studied parenting techniques on their own, and they know enough to try to give time-outs. But the kids don’t stay in time-out, and they just wander out of the time-out spot and ask for a hamburger, and Mom says, “Okay, well, one hamburger, and then go play with your brother.” “I WANT FRIES!” “Okay, a hamburger and fries, but that is it.” And Jo looks at the camera again, and her eyes are all boggly, and it’s hilarious.
I always love it when they have to learn bedtime, as they did this week. Jo has a very specific way she does bedtime. You put the kid to bed, and the first time she gets out of bed, you say, “It’s bedtime, darling” (she always adds the “darling”) and take her back and put her in bed. And the second time, you just say it’s bedtime, and you put them in bed. And after that, they get nothing. No talking, no arguing, you just put them back in bed. Watch the technique at work!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X--dq2JzK_s&hl=en]
So that’s bedtime, and it almost always goes the same way. The first night is, like, the worst night of the parents’ lives. They put the kid back in bed fifteen, twenty times. And at the end, when the kid finally wears herself out and falls asleep, Jo congratulates them like they’ve just survived a military campaign. And they do that one night, or maybe two, and then the kids start going to bed on their own. I realize this is not how kids operate in real life, but it’s remarkable, the consistency with which the parents say, “This will never work! They will never go to sleep!” Often, these parents have resorted to some completely insane routine like sleeping next to their kids on the floor, letting their kids sleep on a blanket in the hallway…I mean, if these things work, that’s fine, but if the reason is that you believe your kid will never go to bed except in the hallway, that’s bazoo.
One of the things that’s so interesting about the bedtime thing is how much time Jo spends teaching parents — especially moms — how to cope with the kid standing there screeching like his hair is being pulled out without feeling like ogres. I’ve heard this from people I know who’ve had to do bedtime with their own kids, but you can tell what a powerful biological imperative she’s up against. People feel like they’re the devil.
But anyway. So in addition to bedtime, Jo is famous for the Naughty Spot. Sometimes it’s the naughty chair, naughty corner, naughty step…depends on what you’ve got in the house. It’s like time-out, and the kid gets plunked onto the spot for the same number of minutes as she is years old. Observe:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZefXwIMxhMc&hl=en]
You give the warning, they do it anyway, you put them on the spot and tell them why, you put them back on the spot as many times as it takes (this is like bedtime — I’ve literally seen kids get off the naughty spot over and over for two hours to avoid sitting there for four minutes), and then when it’s over, they have to apologize. And then you give them a hug and a kiss and they’re done. That’s my favorite part! I love the fact that you can get in trouble, serve your time, repent, and be instantly forgiven. If only real life were like that. Maybe we should let Supernanny run our penal system.
I can’t really explain why I love this particular show; I’m entirely outside the target demographic, and I don’t really require parenting advice. I think it’s partly just the same fascination with behavior that I like about other reality shows — no one technique works for all kids, but it’s amazing how often she turns out to be right that a kid whose parents announce, “He’ll never sit in time-out for five minutes” can indeed be made to do so, provided you’re willing to put him back, like, three times. You can see how people give up — they try it, it doesn’t work, and they think, “This is making it worse.” Which it almost always does. But then it gets better! Hooray for Supernanny!
Tara and I had a discussion once, jumping off a conversation she once had with her sister, about whether it would be worse to have Tim Gunn upset with you, or Supernanny. My conclusion has been that having Tim unhappy with me would be more devastating, but having Supernanny unhappy with me would whip my behavior into shape faster. They need to make an automated Supernanny who tells you to floss and stuff. That would make my sorry behind a little more compliant, I’m betting.
Julie on 27 Mar 2008 at 3:49 pm #
What I love most about the Supernanny’s approach is that it’s firm without being strict, and loving without making the parents pushovers.
I’m always amazed at how few parents are willing to battle with their kids for an couple of evenings in exchange for peaceful bedtimes from that point forward. I have the most stubborn 4-year-old in the world, but she rarely tries to make a fuss about bedtime because she knows it’s not going to work.
Kristie on 27 Mar 2008 at 4:16 pm #
I’ve seen clips on Reality Remix and wondered if this was really as good as it looked like it might be, also given that I don’t have kids, and even my nephews live a long distance away. I’m glad to see this is available from Netflix, so I might have to check out a disc now and then.
Amy on 27 Mar 2008 at 7:38 pm #
It’s cool you’re interested in the show without being a parent yourself. You have no idea how many times I’ve said to non-parents,, “Oh, Supernanny says to try this method…” only to have them look at me as if I have three heads.
Yes, I have two children. Yes, I like lots of different ideas because no one method works for every kid. Yes, I watch Supernanny, for so very many reasons. But mostly because she’s superawesome, supersympathetic, and supersmart.
Kathy on 27 Mar 2008 at 8:13 pm #
I have no kids and I love this show too. It’s really interesting to watch the children respond to the imposition of order and while I do tend to think “What the hell is WRONG with you people!?” a lot while I’m watching the parents, I end up having compassion for most of them because when they finally break down, they seem so sad and exhausted and so grateful for the help. And it’s also entertaining on a pure trainwreck level, when you get a particularly whacked-out kid or parent. I like the basic message, applicable to many things in life, which is that sometimes stuff is hard, but if you put in the time and do thing right, it will pay off – and no, there are no shortcuts.
This is the only parenting-family type show I watch, other than “Jon and Kate Plus 8″, which I find wildly entertaining.
Shelley on 27 Mar 2008 at 9:16 pm #
I love this show myself, mainly because I can’t believe so many parents won’t stand up and take control of their preschoolers, and also because it makes me feel better about my own parenting. I’m by no means anywhere close to perfect, but my kids wouldn’t ever hit, bite, kick me, or call me a stupid idiot. Although if they ever did, I doubt Jo Jo would approve of my response, which would be to send said kid sailing across the room.
I’ve never seen “Jon and Kate Plus 8″, although I’ve always wanted to. I’ve seen the Duggars, and they terrify me.
sportsdiva on 28 Mar 2008 at 9:45 am #
I’m with Kathy. I have no kids. I’ve never wanted them. And yet watching “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” is can’t miss tv.
I used to watch Supernanny. But it’s become rather repetitive for me. Love Jo, though.
lowly grunt on 08 Apr 2008 at 8:28 pm #
Hi, I’m late to the party. I love the Supernanny, too because Jo is teaching everyone the discipline of self-control. She is teaching the children about boundaries and teaching parents to take back their authority. I can’t watch the show too often, though, because the whiny weak parents at the beginning of the show are not good for my blood pressure nor my integrity when I am forced to admit that I am a bit of a wuss myself when it comes to my own (now teenaged) kids. But I love the reminder that the important thing is the underlying relationships between parents and kids, parents and parents, and the siblings.
Jason on 08 Apr 2008 at 10:17 pm #
Hello all! Same story! No kids, no immediate plans or desires to have any, same weird fascination with this show and “Jon & Kate + 8″ (and even those eerie Duggars!). Linda, maybe you’d like J&K+8 too if you didn’t have the ghost of forum-moderating past hovering in your memories!